


Butterflies

by taegisoo



Category: Original Work
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Original Fiction, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:55:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23518048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taegisoo/pseuds/taegisoo
Summary: Don't make the agreement if you know you won't be able to follow it. Don't start it if you know how it will end. Don't allow yourself to fall in love when you know you are just going to get hurt.~I wrote this in a creative writing course in my final semester of college and wanted to share it with more than just 12 people. Enjoy.





	Butterflies

The soft sound of the door closing behind you makes butterflies awaken in your stomach. There’s five of them, each one a soft gradient of a dark black center that fades into blue on the wings, each one with incredibly large wings that make you feel almost unbearably full. It’s strange to you that even after doing this so many times the thrill and excitement is still there, that these butterflies still awaken each time. There’s a shuffle of noise as you both take off your backpacks and drop them carefully on the floor, trying not to bring attention to the fact that there are two being set down instead of the one that people would expect to hear from outside. 

You look up, eyes meeting his, a soft forest green looking back at you through a layer of glass. The fluorescent lights cast a glare over his glasses that looks almost like a twinkle, you remember what it’s like to hear him laugh, to see him smile. He smiles at you now but it’s different than what he shows when you are both outside, something deeper and perhaps a bit more sinister. The butterflies become unsettled once again, wings fluttering hard against the walls of your stomach, something tingles deep within you. 

He’s always the first on the make the move, the first one to take that initial step into the bathroom and you follow him. You are always the one to close the door and make sure the lock is fully set in place to keep other out of your private moment with him, or perhaps to keep you in. Your chest tightens at that thought and the butterflies become restless, flapping hard against your stomach, like they are trying to escape. You are the one to press the button into the handle, locking the room, securing the two of you in the secrecy you both crave. 

The metal on metal of the lock settling into place gives you pause. You aren’t looking at him yet but you can feel his gaze on you, making a gush of emotion to run through you. The butterflies stop moving for a moment. Your eyes remain glued to the lock as you feel a shift happen between the two of you. Your mind wanders for a moment, remembering the loud and genuine laughter from the walk in the outside before entering this little hiding place. The laughter has transformed into a soft giggle, the carefree teasing from before now something more menacing. You doubt he feels this change. Quickly, you remove the coat from your back, hanging it on the hook on the door. You turn to him, not knowing what to expect. 

Nerves have taken over for you as you lift your head up and find nothing blocking his eyes from yours. This direct eye contact unsettles you even more, the softly hovering butterflies begin to move once more with soft movements. In your peripherals, you take notice to the hand leaving his pocket where the glasses have undoubtedly gone. This reminds you of the first time, the bumping of those glasses on your own nose, the stiffness in his movements, in yours. How quickly the awkward nature of that first meeting has led to routine preparation. An emotion overtakes you that you cannot explain, that you cannot put a name to. Melancholy perhaps. You always liked that word. 

You realize you’ve been staring at him for awhile, neither one of you making any sort of sign of movement until suddenly you do. You are unsure of who it was that moved first, all you know is that before you were standing a few feet apart but now there is hardly any space between you. His hands are firm on your waist, grounding you in the moment, you find that yours have wound themselves around his neck. A position that should have been a non-issue were it not for the fact that he stands a full foot taller than you. You feel a strain in your calves from being on tip-toe for so long but find you can not seem to care. He, however, must take notice of the shaking in your legs because he shifts the two of you until your back hits firmly against the wall. Slowly, you relax your legs down, feet flat on the floor and look up, up, up until you find his gaze once again. He smiles down at you but it is not a sinister, it feels more shy. It makes you feel small. Makes you feel safe. The butterflies in your stomach quiver. You swallow. 

Your arms are still around his neck and when he looks down at you it causes his hair to tickle your hand. They move as if they have a mind of their own, and find themselves tangled in the soft, thick brown waves. This alights something within him and suddenly that softness is tickling at your neck. Your mind wanders to a few days ago, to a conversation, and you feel a sharp pain as one of the butterflies falls to the bottom of the pit. 

**_Can I ask you a question?_ **

Your mind has been relatively quiet this whole time but chooses now to make itself known. You try to force the memory away, try to bring your attention back to the feeling of his lips on your neck, to the feeling of the scratch of his beard against your skin, but you can’t. Your mind wins out. The four remaining butterflies are frantic, trying their hardest to find some means of escape. The largest one shakes uncontrollably before stopping altogether and joining the other in the darkness down below as the memory continues.

**_What exactly are we?_ **

__

He breathes out against your skin in a soft laugh, bringing you back to this moment. You feel the gentle push of his hand on your shoulder. Another butterfly tries to stay afloat, wings beating rapidly in a blur of movement, but becomes overwhelmed with exhaustion and follows the other before him, falling into the bottom like a leaf falling from the trees. Your knees hit the ground. 

**_I’m not looking for anything serious_ **

You place your hand on his thigh to steady yourself and immediately find his taking hold of yours. He holds onto in gently, skin soft against yours, squeezing harder as his breathing picks up. 

**_I’ve just gotten out of a relationship_ **

His other hand is firm in your hair, gripping strongly, taking control without needing to. 

**_I don't want to ruin the friendship we already have_ **

He holds your head still for a moment. There is a sound of rattling from the door. Someone is trying to come in. You feel a small sense of panic, eyes closing as you wonder if the door is truly locked. Above you he seems to be wondering the same. You see his eyes moving quickly from the door to you, not knowing what to do. Your jaw is aching. You expect him to pull away. Instead he starts moving again, slowly. You strain to hear any more movement outside but all seems silent. He begins to move faster, hands like fists in your hair. He softly moans your name. 

**_And in a way I do love you_ **

Another butterfly falls.

You pull away, swallowing, and steady yourself on your knees for a moment. The ache in your jaw is nothing in comparison to the ache in your chest. The taste in your mouth with stay there for awhile but you know it won’t bother you, instead it will only be a reminder. Slowly you stand, wiping away the tears that have gathered at the corners of your eyes, unsure of what may have been the cause of them. His cheeks are flushed a deep shade of red and something stirs deep within you once more. 

You search his eyes, wondering if he notices the pained look on your face, but you don’t think he does. He looks almost shy as you wrap your arms back around his neck but that would be ridiculous. Out of habit you realize you’ve risen to your toes once again but find it too awkward to lower back down again. 

Instead, You rest your head in the crook of his neck and take a moment for yourself. His arms wrap high on your waist, hugging you close as your breath in his scent, and for a moment the fallen butterflies flutter softly again, but before they can find the energy to rise once more, he pulls away. There is a stinging in your eyes like a threat. You push it away with all the energy you have left. 

His lips touch yours briefly, fleeting, before he carefully pushes past you. The back of his hand brushes against yours. The air shifts and naturally you force on a smile as you both situate yourselves. You put your jacket back on and shoulder your bag as quietly as you can. You hold in a breath as he peeks out the door, looking to see if anyone is outside, if the person from earlier is still waiting around. You stiffen at the thought, not afraid of being caught but of his reaction, but thankfully, or perhaps not, no one is there. He moves quickly and you struggle to keep up with his pace. He slows as you move further down the hallway and he quickly picks up where you were before, joking, laughing, acting like two regular friends.

**_You’re such a great person and I care so much about you_ **

Because that’s what you are, right? Just two normal friends. 

**_I just don't want a relationship with you_ **

He heads toward the stairs and you call goodbye at his back. He turns to face you, halfway up the staircase, and the smile he sends your way causes a soft flutter once more. He waves then continues walking up the stairs. 

Continues walking away from you. 

**_I’m sorry_ **

  
And a butterfly falls.


End file.
